Germany's Cool, When It Isn't Crap
| Why Germany's cool: | Why Germany's crap: | ||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| You can walk around naked in parks | If you walk around naked in the subway without a ticket, you might get nailed for a $125 fine (Suggested by Heino Polaris) | ||||||||||||||||
| No speed limit on most of the Autobahn (my regular cruising speed: 160 km/h - that's 100 mph) | At current exchange rates, gas costs about US$4.00 a gallon | ||||||||||||||||
| Topless beaches | Really crowded beaches, and you have to pay admission | ||||||||||||||||
| Scandinavian tourists | French tourists | ||||||||||||||||
| Great German beer | Schnitzel, Schnitzel, and more Schnitzel Ok, Schnitzel isn't that bad, but it's the sheer monotony, man... |
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| Excellent employee protection laws, 5 weeks of federally mandated vacation a year (most people get 6), unlimited sick leave, a generous social security system, and - if you do lose your job - full unemployment benefits for up to 30 months | 4 million unemployed workers (almost 10% of the working population) and every system is running a multi-billion euro deficit, driving Germany deeper into debt |
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| Unlimited Internet access is available at around $20/month | The phone company - Deutsche Telekom - charges up to $3.20/hour just for the local call Note: no longer applies thanks to deregulation. Your CrapMeister now surfs on a dedicated DSL line Cannabis products have been decriminalized! |
Possession of up to 10g has basically been classified as "for personal use" It ain't Holland - The cops still confiscate it if they catch you with it | Sex: The legal age of consent is 16, and a 16-year-old can even accept money for acting (in the loosest definition of the term!) in a pornographic movie |
According to the German Jugendschùtzgesetz (youth protection law), you have to be 18 years old to watch the very same porno you starred in | German broadcasting laws permit only 3 breaks for advertising during a 2-hour film on TV |
The ads all suck (booooring!!!) and the ad breaks are up to 20 minutes long (Suggested by Kim Lessley) | And of course all the movies are dubbed in German... If you're a shopworker, you get to take your lunch hour off, and even close the shop to do so. | If you try to go shopping during your own lunch hour (which is about the only time you can), you're screwed - the shops are all closed for lunch!!! | German bread is widely recognized to be the best in the world, and is very high in fiber. | Most German toilets come complete with an "observation" platform, giving you the full visual and olfactory picture of what all that fiber does! | You can legally drink beer and wine at 16 (nobody gives 14- or 15-year-olds a second look at the bar, either), hard liquor at 18. | No free public restrooms. | Great public transportation system, with regional light rail, buses, subways, and streetcars. | Very few people who ride the public transportation system seem to have discovered the secret of deodorant... | | All public Universities are free, you get a free student loan that you don't have to pay back for years, and attendence is hardly ever checked. | Real tragedy of the commons stuff: on average, you study six and a half years (or longer because you can't get a seat in a required course for years), and none of your professors know you by name until you start doing your PhD.
(Suggested by Martin) |
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