Jeff's World of Crap PresentsOde to a Turd The scattered, scatological mumblings of a fevered mind Brought to you in iambic pentameter Jeff's Site Full o' Crap is proud have been thrown out of the Internet Link Exchange As I sit, thrusting, clenching nearly there, but not quite wrenching you from my rear... I take a breath, grunting, panting, To kill the pain, I start chanting: "How'd you get here?" I close my eyes, squeezing, pleading to not start sneezing, whilst still needing one final push... I steel myself, clasping, pinching out my loaf, grasping, inching you from my tush... Groaning, whining, feeding fish, it occurs to me: I wouldn't wish this fate on a dog. Halfway there, I exhale, teary. Woe's my sphincter, stretched and weary from chopping log. I strike my thigh, moaning, keening, wishing I could begin weaning my cheeks from the bowl. Alas, I'm weakened - sweaty, smelly! Non-stop flexing of my belly has taken its toll. Out, damned turd! I'm at your pity! I must confess, yours is a shitty way to egress. Yet if I didn't take you swimming, instead leaving you somewhere brimming - Oh, what a mess! And when you at last deign to drop and I hear that faithful "plop" I cry out in sheer joy! At last the fruits of my hard labor are mine alone for me to savor: a brown baby boy! Like my crap? Hate it? Or just have something up your ass?Mail the CrapMeister at crapzalkindnet Please be advised that I may tell you to blow it out your ass. Back to the Home of crap (if you're not there already) This collection and all original work: copyright by Jeff Zalkind © 1995-2008. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or distributed, in whole or in part, without my expressed written permission.Violators will be prosecuted to the full extent of international copyright law and may be assaulted with flying dung.